The need to feel real
by Melissa's bubbles
Summary: Sometimes I felt that once I was out of a book, game, or show that I wasn't really there. This person I occupied wasn't really me. This thin, lanky body with watery blue eyes and dirt colored hair just didn't feel like mine. When I would go to bed at night, I'd occasionally pray that God would give me a life that I felt real in. SELF INSERT


**Hey guys. You are all looking at my first attempt at a Mass Effect Fanfiction. I don't know about this, I'm really skeptical, but I'll try to make this different from your normal self-insert stories.**

**Disclaimer: **

**Shepard: If you would Glyph **

**Glyph: Of course commander. The Commander wishes to remind readers of this site that the author owns nothing in this story except for any original character. She makes no profit. Have a pleasant day! *floats off* **

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Chapter one

"Elizabeth Shepard, if you do not get off that game and help me with diner, I will take it away!" I heard my foster mother yell from down the hall. I couldn't help but roll my eyes, though I would never be that disrespectful to her face. This is what really sucks about being orphaned at the age of seventeen and a half. Even though I was less than a year away from being an adult, I was still technically a minor. As a child of the state of Colorado, I had to be placed in a home. It's not that I didn't like my foster parents. Mr. and Mrs. Riggs were very kind people, as a matter of fact, but I had been taking care of myself for years now.

Mom and Dad had always tried their best, but they just never really understood me. As a young child I was very bookish and shy. I kind of faded into the background of their lives at some point. I was so quiet; hardly ever seen or herd. No one really saw me. The ironic part was how opposite I really was in my head. The _real _me was sarcastic and full of passion. I just always felt so uncomfortable in my skin. I couldn't make friends as a kid and all the grown-ups just treated me like a little adult, because that's how I acted. It was only through books and TV shows that I felt like a real person. I use to spend hours on end talking to Anne from _Anne of Green Gables _or Sara from _CSI. _They understood me and loved me, unlike my parents.

I really shouldn't talk about them like that now, even in my head. They both died in a car accident a few months ago. What I really hated about myself was that I couldn't bring myself to be troubled all that much. Granted, I wasn't happy or anything but I just never attached to them right. When they died I felt sadness, but only to the amount you would feel if your Great Aunt Mary died. You just aren't that upset because you never truly knew that person anyway. I felt very ashamed of myself for feeling that way. I mean, what the hell is my problem? I actually had to make myself cry at their funeral, not that that was particularly hard. A mixture of extremely overactive tear ducts and mild allergies had me tearing up all the time. Leaking, I called it. Teachers use to get quite uncomfortable when I would start crying randomly in class.

"Elizabeth, did you hear me?" Mrs. Riggs asked, opening the door to my room.

"Sorry Ma'am, I was just lost in thought. I'll be right out." I said, closing my laptop after saving my game. In the last two months I had become relatively obsessed with my new favorite game; Mass Effect. At first, I had bought the game on the simple basis that I shared the main character's last name. Once I played it, however, I got extremely attached, very quickly. All the characters had such personalities and depth that I would sometimes forget that I was just playing a game. I don't know how many times I found myself laughing and wishing I could tell someone about something Ashley had said or done, but I doubted anyone would understand how I felt. They were just video game characters after all; it was stupid to actually feel attached to these guys. I had a real, honest to God, crush on Kiadan. He was so awkwardly adorable that I just couldn't help it. I was a hopeless romantic and Kiadan was a very deep character. And hot, I definitely couldn't forget that. Jesus, I was attracted to a video game character… Can you say pathetic? I actually cried every time I had to choose on Virmire, because I felt like I was losing my best friend ether way. I mourned the death of a video game character more than my own parents. Damn, I was screwed up.

With a sigh, I stood up and went to the kitchen to set the table. Sometimes I felt that once I was out of a book, game, or show that I wasn't really there. This person I occupied wasn't really me. This thin, lanky body with watery blue eyes and dirt colored hair just didn't feel like mine. When I would go to bed at night, I'd occasionally pray that God would give me a life that I felt real in.

"May I please go for a walk?" I asked after dinner. I had done my homework and chores and it was raining. I _loved _the rain.

"Sure, but be back before nine." Mr. Riggs said. That shouldn't be hard, seeing as how it was only six now.

Once I was outside I quickly took off my shoes, socks, and shirt so that I was only wearing a sports bra and lose shorts. I wanted to feel the water hit my skin. Living in the country, isolated from all around, gave me a lot of leeway with my clothing. I would never be able to do this in the city. It was really pouring rain, but the weather felt warm. It was perfect! The smell of wet pine trees and asphalt surrounded me as I walked down the long country road. My hair clung to my skin and warm water rolled down my cheeks. It smelled amazing. It felt amazing. I felt so natural and… real. For a moment, I actually felt like I existed. Maybe God was listening after all. Eventually I stopped walking and just lay down on the street, closing my eyes and feeling the rain fall on my face. God, this was perfect.

In case you couldn't tell, I had a strange reaction to rain. It was almost like some primal instinct in me came out when it was raining. Surly this was weird. Who else felt the need to strip every time it rained? I just added it to the list of really fucked up things about me. As I lay there, listening to the rain hit the road; I suddenly felt a hand on my arm.

_Shit! _I thought to myself, _how the hell do I explain this to Mrs. Riggs? She's going to think I'm insane!_

When I opened my eyes, however, I didn't see Mrs. Riggs at all. Instead I saw an extremely familiar figure with blue skin.

"Liara?" I gasped. Shit, I really was insane.

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**Okay, so I've really worked hard on this chapter. I need to hear feedback on this from you or I will NOT continue. I don't want to wast my time and yours if you guys don't like it. Tell me anything at all. What you like, don't like, how your cat is doing... actually I would love to hear something that randomly awesome! Please review! **

**All my love,**

**Mel**


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